Healthy Ways To Feel Naughty

“Banana split for my baby -- a glass of plain water for me.”

–Louis Prima

Dieting...err..rather healthy eating doesn’t have to be about bland deprivation and deep, blinding, seething metabolic envy.

Ahhh.. the joys of a slow metabolism. (I cannot fully express the the fervor with which I’ve cursed my parents for this particular genetic contribution.)

In any case…Since I’ve started trying to make healthier food choices, I’ve been keeping a list of super-yummy stuff that I might not have otherwise tried. Furthermore, the following foods would remain on my shopping list even in the unfortunate event of a ‘relapse’.

I give you:

The YUM! List

Hummus – Ok, not only did this item look gross, it sounded bad (in a sort of tiny, birdporn-esque kind of way). But let me tell you, I really dig it. I like it with all types of crackers and chips, as well as in a wrap. If you’ve never tried it, start off with a small offering, usually found in the gourmet-type cheese and meat section of your grocery store.

Baked Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream – I love chips. I can barely keep them around because I can’t be trusted. But, historically, I don’t like ‘flavored’ chips and I haven’t been too impressed with the ‘Baked’ lines that it seems every snack-food purveyor now offers. This chip is the exception. It is tasty without being overpowering. Nor does it taste like it’s trying to be a substitute for its full-octane counterpart. It’s just a good tasting, fun-crunching, self-reliant chip.

Popsicle brand Sugar-Free Popsicles – I once heard these popsicles described as being “Lifesaver-like” and that is a very accurate description. These popsicles are a staple in my freezer and I eat them all day long. Much like making the switch from regular to diet soda, I can’t even eat a ‘regular’ popsicle anymore as they seem far too sweet. Be careful with store-brand knock-offs tho – I haven’t found one that I think can even compare.

Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches – OMFG. Where have you all my life, Skinny Cow? I think I eat more ice-cream now than when I was living on fast-food and frozen pizzas. These things are delish! I like the big, round sandwiches in the chocolate/vanilla variety pack. Furthermore, I can’t taste the ‘diet-food difference’.

Oscar Mayer Light Beef Franks – These are my “go-to” dogs. (Well, not as “go-to” as my dogs taking me to London but you catch my drift). Whether I’m fat, thin, or somewhere in between, I will always buy these hotdogs. They’re tasty, filling and the best part is they don’t seem to….(errr…how to put this gently?) --come back on you for the rest of the day. For instance, I love the taste of Nathan’s hot dogs but if I eat them, I will be forced to use any of my remaining Weight-Watchers flex points on Tums. Not good.

Kroger Whole Wheat ‘Lite’ Hot Dog Buns – The perfect accompaniment to the aforementioned franks. They are soft with only the lightest ‘wheaty’ taste. In the event that I don’t eat them all and they begin to get stale; I split them apart, slather on some light butter, sprinkle on some garlic salt and oregano and make garlic bread stick-type thingies. A perfect side for a small bowl of pasta or even with a nice garden salad.

Thomas’ Cinnamon Raisin Mini-Bagels – A number of traits make this a great new food in my breakfast repertoire. First, they are smaller than the average bagel which automatically lowers the calorie count, yet it doesn’t detract from this little guy’s overall ability to satiate morning hunger. Second, they are so soft I find that they can be eaten right out of the bag. I don’t need to toast or nuke ‘em. They are just ready to go! Finally, they are so flavorful that I don’t need to worry about adding calories with any kind of spread. I love my cream cheese and j'adore my butter but these little rings of perfection are best eaten Bridgette Jones-style – just as they are.

Chef’s Salad – I am a salad weenie. I don’t eat dressing and I loathe most veggies. Enter the Chef’s salad. It’s like a hoagie (or a Subway sandwich to you non-Yankees) without the bread. Many times, when I’m out and I do have a salad (and the waiter has overcome his disbelief of my choice to go naked …err dressing free) I feel like I’m missing out on the full salad ‘experience’. The croutons have nothing to stick to, the sunflower seeds slide into strange Rorschachian formations in the bottom of my bowl (I see a cat playing a violin while my mother chops onions), and the cherry tomatoes list in ways that would make a Weeble-Wobble say “Daaayyymmmnnn”. That is, until I tried – the chef’s salad. Everything works so well together that I can’t imagine breaking up the party with even a drop of dressing. So good.

Weight Watchers 3-Cheese Ziti – Long ago, as I was being indoctrinated errr..introduced to the Southern vernacular, I learned to call foods like this ‘boxed’. “I had a boxed dinner.” “I brought a boxed lunch.” “I’m trying to lose weight so I’m eating out of a box.” …that kind of thing. And trust me when I say: I’ve had A LOT of experience with these types of foods and sadly, most of them were not good. I usually end up drowning whatever microwaved ickiness I’ve unboxed in salt, just to get it down, which is no good either. This meal is THE exception. It is sooo scrumptious and non-dietfood-y that I could eat it nearly every day. Can I mention here that I’m part Italian? So for me to give a thumbs way up to a boxed, Italian, low-cal meal it must be pretty darn good. And it is. (Note: This was the first WW boxed meal I tried after joining and I was so excited because of it that I went out and bought a whole bunch of different frozen WW boxed meals. So far they’ve all sucked. Sorry.)

Nature’s Own Double Fiber Whole Wheat Bread – Now don’t panic. You don’t have to have an AARP membership card in order to be allowed access to this bread. Nor do you need black socks and a hidden store of BINGO daubers to enjoy it. It is the shiz. To quote my 2-yr old, it is “YUMMY-GOOOOD”. I’ve bought other Nature’s Own products and have been pretty impressed overall. I was a Roman Meal-girl for a time, as well as a Meyer’s Italian Bread freak (Yes, Mr. Atkins, I am a carb-addict and I’m so fine with that you can just bugger off!) but this is, hands-down, the best of bread (with the exception of the Truckin’ and Baby, I’m A-Want You, of course).

**DISCLAIMER: Any similarities between these descriptions and any paid corporate advertising is completely coincidental and entirely possible as I am fairly gullible and highly suggestible.